@theideacamp sexual orientation week wrap-up [#ICSEX]

Why did this week’s blogging series have to be one of the most awkward that I’ve ever been a part of?

Seriously… I was blown away by how much people opened up during weeks like PORN WEEK and ABUSE WEEK. But now it seems that we’re talking about homosexuality, I know that even the strongest participants in this project mentioned to me that it was a very tough one to write about. That tells me that this is probably one of the more important issues we need to be discussing in the church.

This week was ORIENTATION WEEK, the fourth of the six-week series of discussions on various sex-related topics.

While many people found it difficult at times to discuss this topic, there is one trend that I’ve noticed throughout most of the posts. And it’s a trend that I saw heterosexuals, homosexuals, and ‘recovering’ homosexuals all saying…

The best way to approach the discussion is with unconditional love. We must realize that Jesus died on the cross for ALL of us… even the people who live with same-sex attractions. We can never forget this point when approaching the discussion of homosexuality in the church.

Here’s a quick recap of the posts that we saw come in this week:

• The Pickled yet Fathomable Truth of Orientation
  Evelyn Fazzio Chaisson talks from several different perspectives about the sin-nature of homosexuality and what real freedom looks like.
• Why I Support Same Sex Marriage
  Jonathan Blundell deals with the issue of gay marriage and why he supports it. His perspective touches on legislating morality and how we can engage in this conversation.
• how to cure homosexuality? [#ICSEX]
  Dan King (that’s me!) challenges Christians to rethink how we ‘deal with’ homosexuality in the church by being agents of God’s love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness.
• Who Do You Love?
  David Goodwin opens up about his life-long same-sex struggles and how the church can be a part of the healing process for others like him.
• Orientation Week – A Question of Identity
  Seiji Yamashita attempts to reconcile the problem with sexual sin and how the church should approach the issue. How can the church accept someone with sin in their life? Hmmm…
• Sexual Orientation & the Church (An Interview with Andrew Marin)
  Charles Lee Skype-interviews Andrew Marin (author of Love is an Orientation and founder of The Marin Foundation) about how his views have changed and the research that he’s doing these days. Oh, and Andrew is one of our Camp Guides for the Vegas event!
• Gay Christian?
  Jesse Giglio talks openly with a friend who is a Christian AND is openly gay. The discussion reveals some interesting insight into how to approach the conversation.

Other posts this week not focusing on orientation:

• Let’s Talk About Sex: A Ready Heart, A Ready Body
  Amber Haines talks about brokenness and being spiritually and emotionally strong during intimate times. This is a very insightful post for anyone struggling with intimacy… definitely a must read!

Let’s keep this conversation going… Which of these posts impacted you the most? Why? What other perspectives on gender do you think are important to share/consider?

Coming up next: Slavery – Week beginning Sunday, September 5th
This is the ‘social justice’ side of the sex discussion. Many are sold into sex slavery every day all around the world. But what can/should the church be doing about it? Do we have a responsibility to protect those who are affected by this? This conversation will focus on building awareness for this tragic issue, but also further practical solutions that people can take to bring an end to it. If you’re interested in participating in this conversation, then let us know in the comments or contact @bibledudeon Twitter.

Are you enjoying this conversation? Then consider coming to !C//SEX Las Vegas on 9.27.10. Register now! And if you comment on this post, then I’ll send you a special 10% discount registration code!

how to cure homosexuality? [#ICSEX]

What I’m about to share is something that turns my stomach. I’m not writing today to debate what’s right or wrong about homosexuality. There are theologians who are way smarter than me that do a good enough job with keeping that discussion going.

I don’t want to talk about whether or not someone is ‘born that way’. There have been lots of studies that try to prove and disprove that point.

Right or wrong, avoidable or not, I want to talk about how the church addresses the issue of homosexuality.

I’ve recently read an article in a magazine that I usually don’t read. I got a subscription to Details by flippantly picking several magazines while spending some expiring airline miles. I decided that it wasn’t a magazine that I was very interested in after glancing at my first issue, so they normally find their way into the trash can directly from the mailbox.

But the June 2010 issue caught my eye with these words on the cover… Inside the World of Gay Exorcism. Inside, I found a disturbing article about how some churches deal with (what they consider to be) the root problem of homosexuality… demonic possession.

Is demonic possession the cause of homosexuality? I definitely believe that it’s possible, but not always the case. The New Testament also talks a great deal about our own ‘lustful desires’. I’ve known men before that I’ve felt could have some strong spiritual influence influencing their behavior, but I also know many that behave certain ways due to natural desires of the flesh.

And I don’t believe that you can exorcise natural, fleshly desires.

What bothers me most about the approach that many churches take towards this issue is that it brings on so much shame and condemnation. Often people are publicly shamed, judged, and made to feel like less of a person because they struggle with desires that make them different than most others.

How does that accomplish the mission of the church?

Aren’t we supposed to be messengers of God’s Grace? His Love? Forgiveness?

One thing that struck me as I read this article about ‘gay exorcism’ speaks to how those who struggle with these urges feel about how the church handles homosexuality…

I ask Kevin if he is now 100 percent sure that being gay is not a sin.

“Not 100 percent,” he says. “It’ll always be in the back of my mind. I guess it’s the way I was raised. You don’t know how many times I heard preached that homosexuality is a sin—you’re going to burn in hell for it. It’s funny how nobody at church wanted to sit down and explain why this was happening. They just want to get rid of it, basically.”

I wonder if nobody wanted to sit down and explain it because they simply never took the time to try to understand it. Many Christians may think that it’s easier to pray it away than it is to relate to someone and talk about their life and what drives them.

I don’t pretend to understand what same-sex attraction is like, or what someone who lives with it must deal with knowing that they live with something that could alienate them from so many people.

But I do know that as Christians we are called to love… not judge. Does living in homosexuality mean that God loves that individual any less? No, and neither should we.

I’m thankful that God loved me even when I didn’t deserve it. And I’ve got to believe that He loves everyone the same way.

I also know that gay and lesbian adults more actively seek out community than most straight people. That would indicate that there’s a strong desire to connect with (and likely be accepted by) people. Isn’t that what churches are for? Then why do we insist on pushing away the very people that need us the most?

As I write this, I almost want to apologize to gay and lesbian people everywhere on behalf of the church.

If you are gay/lesbian, I’m sorry if we’ve ever put any shame on you. That’s not God’s heart. You have immeasurable value to Him. You are the apple of His eye. God loves you, and so do I.

And c’mon church… how can we become the instruments of God’s Love that we’ve been called to be in this area?

This post is for The Idea Camp blogging series during #ICSEX Orientation Week.

@theideacamp sex abuse week wrap-up [#ICSEX]

Dang… I thought #ICSEX Porn Week was tough…

But this issue of sexual abuse was more difficult that I could have imagined. I’m still in shock at some of the stories and perspectives that I’ve read. If I could give an online version of a standing ovation to those who shared this week, then I will be the first one on my feet.

During #ICSEX Sexual Abuse Week, people shared some very personal stories that simply broke my heart… in many different ways.

Here’s the weekly round-up of contributions:

• The Weight of Sexual Abuse
  Heidi Bylsma talks about the abuse she experienced as a child at the hand of her father, and how it manifested itself in weight problems.
• Childhood Sexual Abuse
  Carole Turner shares her experience as a child, and how it left her feeling dirty, shameful, and scared.
• How Sexual Abuse Affects Us Today
  Mary DeMuth talks about her abuse by other young boys when she was only five years-old, and how she found healing and comfort in a loving God.
• #ICSEX: Sexual Abuse
  Seiji Yamashita discusses the perceptions that many of us have of others… until we realize the source of their behavior.
• Control-Issues
  Sarah Markley opens up about the fears of a parent, and needing to trust that God will protect our little ones.
• !CSEX: Let’s Talk About Sexual Abuse
  Evelyn Fazzio Chaisson focuses on healing power of prayer for victims of sexual abuse.
• Sexual Abuse – A Man’s Story
  Chris Goforth shares his story of abuse as a boy, and how it rattled so many aspects of his life for many years to come.
• Behind the Numbers of Sexual Abuse
  Dan King (me) takes a look at the numbers showing how widespread of an issue this really is, and challenges people to look at dealing with the root before it escalates into actual abuse.
• Carry Them Gently
  Cheryl Smith interviews a close friend who is victim of childhood sexual abuse. This post has some great insight into the heart and mind of the victim, and some amazing resources and advice for other victims.

And there were a couple others talking sex on their blogs this week, but not directly related to sexual abuse:

• Talking About Sex
  Deidra Riggs discusses how it should be normal for people to talk about sex, and how many often shut down or avoid conversation on ‘such topics’.
• Let’s Talk About Sex: Incredible Sex in Marriage
  Amber Haines has a guest blogger who discusses what ‘healthy’ looks like as it relates to sexuality, and how sex is (and should be) a beautiful thing.

Let’s keep this conversation going… Which of these posts impacted you the most? Why? What other perspectives on sexual abuse do you think are important to share/consider?

Coming up next: Gender – Week beginning Sunday, August 8th
What does it mean to be a man? Or a woman? Society today would give a large variety of definitions and events that it takes to ‘become a man/woman’. This discussion will focus on defining gender identity and roles, but can also cover factors that may prompt confusion about what it means to be a certain gender. We also want to discuss gender roles in the church. If you’re interested in participating in this conversation, then let us know in the comments or contact @bibledude on Twitter.

Are you enjoying this conversation? Then consider coming to !C//SEX Las Vegas on 9.27.10. Register now! And if you comment on this post, then I’ll send you a special 10% discount registration code!

#ICSEX: [@theideacamp blogging series]

Authentic conversation about sex is one of the most needed elements in a healthy church today. The fact that people feel like they can’t talk about certain struggles or issues only perpetuates the problem into bigger issues.

I’m thankful that Charles Lee has given me the opportunity lead a blogging series on subjects related to sex and sexuality. The posts that people are contributing to this series are disturbing, heartbreaking, inspiring, and challenging. The full series can be caught on The Idea Camp blog, but I’m posting quite a bit here on bibledude.net as well.

These posts are the ones that I’ve been responsible for sharing…

General

• the truth about sex [an event with @theideacamp]
• let’s blog about sex [#ICSEX]

Pornography, Week of July 11th

It’s a big business, probably because of it’s addictive nature. It can damage relationships in so many ways, and many would consider it a form of cheating (infidelity). This discussion will focus on the physical, emotion, and spiritual damage that can result from a porn addiction, and how healing and restoration can be ministered to those stuck in it.

• 10 things i learned from joey and chandler about porn [#ICSEX]
• @theideacamp porn week wrap-up [#ICSEX] (links to other project contributors)
• Related post: book review: wired for intimacy

Sexual Abuse, Week of July 25th

It usually leaves invisible scars that never go away. And it can be root of other issues not only sexually, but relationally. This discussion will focus on not only the damage that is caused by sex abuse, but with special consideration of how to help those hurt by it with immediate and long-term healing.

• behind the numbers of sexual abuse [#ICSEX]
• @theideacamp sex abuse week wrap-up [#ICSEX]
• Related post: book review: no stones [women redeemed from sexual addiction]

Gender, Week of August 8th

What does it mean to be a man? Or a woman? Society today would give a large variety of definitions and events that it takes to ‘become a man/woman’. This discussion will focus on defining gender identity and roles, but can also cover factors that may prompt confusion about what it means to be a certain gender.

• a hermeneutic on gender and ministry [#ICSEX]
• @theideacamp gender week wrap-up [#ICSEX]

Sexual Orientation, Week of August 22nd

Same-sex attraction is likely one of the most controversial issues that the church deals with today. Is it okay to be gay/lesbian and be a Christian? More importantly how should the church respond to people who live with same-sex attraction? This discussion will focus on reconciliation… with the Word AND with people. This is a good opportunity to build a bridge to those who have been alienated by the church for a very long time.

• how to cure homosexuality? [#ICSEX]
• @theideacamp sexual orientation week wrap-up [#ICSEX]

Slavery, Week of September 5th

This is the ‘social justice’ side of the sex discussion. Many are sold into sex slavery every day all around the world. But what can/should the church be doing about it? Do we have a responsibility to protect those who are affected by this? This conversation will focus on building awareness for this tragic issue, but also further practical solutions that people can take to bring an end to it.

• here comes the [mail-order] bride trafficking [#ICSEX] (coming 9/9)
• @theideacamp slavery week wrap-up [#ICSEX] (coming 9/11)

Family, Week of September 19th

This is where it all starts. All of the discussions up until now end up pointing back to the family in some way. What should a loving relationship in a marriage look like? Where does sex fit in? What’s healthy? What about the kids? When/how do they learn about sex? This conversation will not only focus on what a healthy marriage looks like, but what healthy discussion about sex in a family sounds like.

• family week post TBD [#ICSEX] coming 9/23)
• @theideacamp family week wrap-up [#ICSEX] (coming 9/25)

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